I Am a Grown-Up (number 2)

I am a grown up.

So if I get up and work out and have nothing to do all day, I'm allowed to sit around in my work out clothes without showering.  Because I am a grown up and I shower when I want to.

The end.

I Am a Grown-Up (number 1)

I am a grown up.

So I'm allowed to watch bad tv show marathons at night instead of going out places, and when I get thirsty at 9:30pm, I'm allowed to drink Coke even though it has caffeine in it and I'll regret it when I try to go to sleep and then get pissed when my alarm goes off in the morning and I'm tired because I didn't sleep enough.  Coke tastes good.

The end.

Emergency!!

Attention!!!  Attention!!!!!!  I think you are in need of an 

EMERGENCY RAINBOW!!!!

(Do you have any idea how long that rainbow font color-ing took?  Ok, not really *that* long, but still.... Also, I'd like to bring to your attention the fact that both N's in that are red and both R's are green.  Yep.  Just kinda happened that way.  Makes you wonder, doesn't it?)

Now you may carry on with your day

The end.

Needy Texting

I love texting.  Really love it.  Really.  And I can text freakin' fast. (and without looking at my fingers because I have skillz)  But if you text me 5 times in 30 seconds with two word phrases, I will NOT be able to respond to you and I will just get pissed b/c I have to save the response text to your first message to go look at your second and third and make sure there's no pertinent information I need to respond to in those texts, and then go back to the original response and continue that only to have you text me AGAIN before I'm done so I have to go check THAT freakin' text. 

The situation that sparks this rant:

My friend: text 1 at 11:25

Friend: text 2 at 11:25

Me: start to respond

Friend: text 3 at 11:26

Me: have to go back and look at his 3rd text in case I have to respond to that

Friend: text 4 at 11:26

Friend:  text 5 at 11:26

Me: I FINALLY get a chance to send my response

Friend: text 6 at 11:27

Me: I start to type the response to that

Friend: text 7 at 11:27

Friend:  text 8 at 11:27

Me: I finally can respond

Friend: text 9 at 11:29

Friend:  text 10 at 11:29

Friend: text 11 at 11:30

Friend: text 12 at 11:30

Me: I make my friend wait for a response :-)

An emaily rant rant

I was recently contacted by someone who wanted to set up a photo shoot with me.  Great!  I love it when people want to set up shoots!  He emailed me twice in one day (the second time was before I had even read his first email.  The second one also seemed like a form letter).  I didn't get a chance to email him right back, and he emailed me the next day.  The day after that I emailed him asking what he had in mind for a shoot.  He emailed me back a list of *all* the things he usually shoots (another form letter?) and before I had a chance to respond the next day, he sent ANOTHER email saying how he's excited to set up a shoot and asking when's good.  I'm thinkin, wow this guy is pushy but ok, whatever.  

So I email him back and say when I can shoot and all that.  He emails me back a week later with some more details.  I respond saying that I have x day and time available and can pencil it in and he can let me know if it works.  He emails me another week later saying "how are we on setting up a shoot?".    I respond the next day saying when I'm available that week, asking some specific questions about pay, and style of shoot.  Then I don't hear from him for 13 days and all he says in his next email is "how about this Saturday?".  Dude!  Now, I will completely admit that I don't always respond to emails right when I get them (in fact, it's fairly rare that I immediately hit respond).  But dude, seriously, don't email me and pester me and then when I ask you specific questions ignore them or don't respond for two weeks.  This kinda stuff makes me so frustrated!!!

Anyway, end rant.

The end

Application

In relation to my previous post about getting rich, I remembered that I had made up this application a while ago, just in case this became an option of a way to become rich. Now I'm going to post it here, also just in case *suggestive look*....but also because it's quite possibly the funniest thing ever written.

Application to be NikkiNine's Sugar Daddy

Directions:  Fill out this application entirely. Use a separate page or the back of this application if you need more room.  Explain answers to the best of your ability, being especially specific on numbers 12-15.  Return to Nikki with a "gift" (cash is acceptable).  You will be notified of your acceptance as a Sugar Daddy of Nikki.  If there is a delay in response, feel free to continue sending Nikki gifts and cash until you hear from us.  All information given to us will be kept confidential, unless it's hilariously funny.  If you wish to make a one time donation, contact Nikki so that arrangements can be made.  Thank you for your interest in being Nikki's Sugar Daddy.

   1. Name:

   2. Age:

   3. Social Security Number:

   4. Major credit cards that you hold:

   5. Occupation:

   6. Yearly Income (Note: having an income of less than 75K a year will not necessarily bar you from acceptance as Nikki's Sugar Daddy):

   7. Estimate how much money you have in the bank:

   8. What kinds of bank accounts do you have? (checking, savings, etc)

   9. Do you have any other investments? (CDs, IRAs, stocks, etc)

  10. Do you own your own home or rent? 

  11. How much of your total income do you plan on spending on Nikki (percentage):

  12. What kinds of things would you like to take Nikki to do/see? (Note: the correct response is "Whatever Nikki wants", however, it is good to estimate what Nikki might be interested in.)

  13. What kinds of gifts do you plan on lavishing Nikki with? (Note: Cash is considered an acceptable gift)

  14. How often would you plan on taking Nikki out and/or giving her gifts?

  15. What do you expect as repayment of such gifts and trips? (Think *very carefully* about your answer)

  16. How did you hear of this opening?

  17. Rate yourself from 1 to 10 on your looks:  (where 1 represents looking like Jason Statham and 10 is Bradley Cooper)

  18. How would your friends describe you? (Example: "He always picks up the check, especially at expensive restaurants.")

  19. How would your parents describe you? (Example: "He is our favorite son because he gives us the best and most expensive Christmas presents.")

  20. How would your ex's describe you? (Example: "I had to break up with him because he was always buying me presents.  He just spent too much money on me!!")

  21. What is your sign? (It is common knowledge that some signs are more stingy with their money than others)

  22. Are you married? (being married will not necessarily bar you from being accepted as Nikki's Sugar Daddy)

  23. Do you have children that will fight over your inheritance when you die?

  24. Do you have any pets?  (It is a known fact that any pets you may have will take away attention from Nikki)

  25. What kind of car do you drive?

  26. What kind of car would you drive Nikki around in? (this response may be different than your response to 25)

  27. Do you think it is better to give [to Nikki] than to receive?

  28. Are you open to a long distance Sugar Daddy relationship?

  29. Are you the jealous type? If yes, please explain (being the jealous type will not bar you from being accepted as Nikki's Sugar Daddy if you are devastatingly handsome and/or incredibly rich)

  30. Are you anybody else's Sugar Daddy (Note: Should you be accepted, you may be asked to relinquish Sugar Daddy responsibilities to other girls.)

Bonus Question: Do you have any connections in the theatre/film business that will help Nikki become a successful (and rich) actress?



Please use the remaining space to tell Nikki anything you feel is pertinent to becoming her Sugar Daddy

The End.

Italics

In reviewing my last post I have come to a conclusion:

Italics (in this case) =  Fail.

The End.

Independently Wealthy

I'm certain I will be rich some day.  Whether it's from a random check that comes unexpectedly in the mail (I ask my mom every day if there's a check for me) or whether money just starts falling out of the sky on me, it WILL happen.  I don't know when, and I don't know how, but soon, and for the rest of my life....

So right now I'm going to regale you with the list of many of the things I'm going to learn how to do when I'm rich (I have to wait till I'm rich because many of these require lessons/training that I'll have to pay for)(Also I have decided this would be a good post to explore italics).  Here goes....

  

I will learn to....

• Tap Dance
• Speak fluent French
• Speak fluent Spanish
• (at least read) Latin
• Play the cello
• Ballet (pointe!)
• Irish Dance
• Card tricks
• Make./Crochet Lace
• Do good make up
• Be a massage therapist
• Get a PhD in Philosophy
• Appraise antiques
• Belly Dance
• Pole Dance
• Do Aerial Silks
• Be an acrobat
• Be a mime
• Make tomato soup with goat cheese
• Make cool foods that I will know so well that I won't even need to use a recipe for 
• Ice skate
• Do Magic tricks
• Do American Sign Language
• Play the ukelele
• Fancy hula hoop stuff
• Knit wearable things besides hats and scarves (I can't even make hats yet though)
• Face Paint coolness
• Make jelly/jam
• Mediate
• Speak a lot of other cool languages
• Drive in the UK
• Do a handstand
• Be a clown
• Drive a horse-drawn cart
• Make Crewel embroidery
• [some other cool things]

 I'm going to learn how to do so much cool stuff when I'm rich!!!  It's going to be great!  I'm super excited already!  Yay!

The End.